Exposed

Back when I worked, people were always getting in trouble over e-mail snafus. One lady got the boot cause she wrote an e-mail about one of our celeb prospective parents and sent it to Sarah the boss instead of Sarah the assistant. And there were other issues. People often hit the "reply all" button as opposed to the "reply to sender" button leaving more than one person in an embarrassing e-mail sitch and throwing the tech team into overdrive to shutdown the message before all the "alls" could retrieve it. The panic always cracked me up. And you need that kind of thing to lighten your day when you live in a cave.

But when an e-mail snafu happens to you, or to me, to be more precise, it is not such a laughing matter. And I know better. I know not to write it in an e-mail. It was a truthful e-mail but potentially hurtful and it somehow got before the eyes of the person it was about. And though she knew about it for at least a couple of weeks, just confronted me yesterday. She actually thanked me because what I said in the e-mail helped her reflect on our relationship. I am not sure if the apology was sincere or a stab but the whole situation created a lot of tears and hurt and I feel at once both violated and embarrassed, hurt and ashamed. I wish I had had the guts to say what I had to say to this person from the get go, but some relationships, especially familial are incredibly tense, twisted, and confusing. I don't totally regret writing it because it was and is the truth but I do regret that it somehow got to her because it was a private conversation. But it happened and I can't take it back so it is what it is. I am sorry that I hurt this person but not sorry that I wrote about my honest feelings and I will not use other people's computers in the future.