Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A Few Reasons Why It is Not A Good Idea to Have Dogs While Trying to Teach a Toddler to be Human

Because it is hard to explain to you that it is OK for mommy to throw all your leftover eggs to the dogs but it is NOT OK to throw ALL your breakfast to the dogs. Cause this makes mommy want to fall on the dog-licked kitchen floor, curl into a fetal position, and bawl for the remainder of the morning.

Because it is really cute when you pretend to help mommy clean up chihuahua pee off the carpet(writing this, I realize it doesn't sound cute at all but you'll have to trust that it is heart-gushingly cute) but it is not a good idea to pee on the carpet yourself and then clean it up. This, in my opinion, is heart-gushingly cute too but I am trying to teach you to be a human being not a neurotic chihuahua and I think I might be losing the battle.

Because I need to teach you to eat off human dishes not out of dog bowls which is much more appealing to you. Retrieving you from your head in a dog dish is not my finest parenting moment.

Because while I find it hilarious that you like to say hi poop!!! to dog poop when you see it on the ground, others might find this disturbing and it could make you socially awkward.

Because while I secretly agree with you that it is pathetically funny when the chihuahua bears his teeth and snaps, it is not nice to torment the poor old curmudgeon just for a laugh.

Because a bit of healthy fear of large animals might be a good idea and since you enjoy getting licked from head to toe by the largest dog known to mankind, it is difficult to explain to you that the pit bull on the corner isn't so friendly which often leads to you falling to the dirty sidewalk screaming to the sky and kicking my shins because I am the meanest mommy in the world because I don't allow the dog to chew off your fingers through the fence.

19 comments:

Theta Mom said...

Ummmm, yeah. Kinda glad I don't have a dog right now! lol

Jason said...

Ya know, it sounds like you are raising a dog person. Amelia is skittish of all dogs that are higher than her belly button, which is most of them, but most dogs aren't bad. I wish I was more comfortable around dogs.

As for saying poop, we love it. We say poop all the time. But you know we have friends who don't even say the word fart. We embrace that one too.

When we had a cat (may she rest in peace) we also had cat food. And Amelia loved to play with cat food. I wonder if some toddler borne disease was what finally did her in... Regardless, putting the cat food in the bowl was her first real "job."

To sum up: I love it!

Existential Waitress said...

This is hilarious. While Bug may be a bit "weird" when she says "hello poop!" at least she doesn't FREAK OUT when she sees a dog the size of Mateo like Bear does. He is terrified of dogs ever since that unfortunate incident w/ the geese at the Philly zoo. I think I should elaborate about this in a post...

Anonymous said...

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kys said...

My 7 yr. old is petrified of dogs. Even little tiny ones. He's kind of scared of cats, too.

I'd rather deal with yours being too friendly with them than the screaming and cowering from him.

CoolDude73 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
amie said...

Seriously guys, dogs are forever two year olds! This may sound really mean but sometimes I am relieved when I remember they don't live that long. And I love them and will be heartbroken when there gone but I am being honest. it is something akin to sometimes being relieved when I remember that Bug will someday go to school and I'll have an hour or two to myself even though I really wish she could just stay at home with me forever. I know, I'm weird like that.

And anonymous, although I know you are spam, I kinda think you are freakish enough that it is too bad we can't be friends.

Existential Waitress said...

I agree with kys in that I wish my son would stop screaming every time he sees a gerbil-sized dog. and yes he too freaks when he sees a cat. At this point, it's just getting weird.

Your comment about "Anonymous" had me laughing. Yes "Anonymous" is freakish enough that methinks he or she would fit in quite nicely.

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ZenMom said...

I love it. We're dog people here, so I don't find any of this strange or disturbing.

Sarah said...

My little one loooves our cat, and sometimes gets a little too close for comfort. She hasn't had too much exposure to dogs yet...

Amie said...

Sarah, Bug lurves my parent's cats too!

Grateful Twin Mom said...

hahahahahahaha I don't think I'll ever pass another piece of dog poop without saying, "Hi poop!" Thanks for the laugh. My daughter wants to be licked from head to toe by the largest dog in the room too.

The Wifey said...

HAHAHA. I busted a gut the whole time I read this! LOVE IT! Following you ma'am. :) & Thanks for stopping in!

Amie said...

Thanks for stopping by! I am gearing up to start posting again now that we are over yet another round of cold followed by ear infection.

Amber Page Writes said...

As a dog person, I can totally relate. My daughter is already fascinated by his bowl - and she's only nine months old! Looks like I have a lot more interesting adventures ahead of me...

Amie said...

Oh Amber, it is just beginning! Yup, fun time ahead. Thanks for stopping by.

Tina said...

We (I) just got a dog about 6 months ago...and she listens better then any kid I have (18,15,13 & 9 yo). As a professed anti pet person I've been totally transformed. Ani changed my life. http://catchingmysecondwind.blogspot.com/2009/09/ani-ah-nee_29.html

Amie said...

Tina, as much as I bitch about the dogs, you are right they are great people.