Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Yup, Another Sleep (Or Lack Thereof) Post

I am posting my comment to Clueless but Hopeful Mama's Post about the sleep differences between her kids and about what a difficult aspect something as seemingly simple as sleep is in the world that is motherhood because as you know if you read my blog, it is a subject that is nearer and dearer to my heart than even poop, pee, spit-up, or snot. And also because my comment was so damn long (sorry CBHM) that I figure I might as well just use it as a post cause I am lazy like that...

I think you should do whatever works for your family. What bugs me is that people think because my baby doesn't sleep well by herself, that I am doing something wrong rather than considering that every kid is different. I have tried EVERYTHING and CIO, especially the kind where you check in, makes my daughter so upset that she stops breathing and is in a state of panic and when I finally get her to sleep she cries ALL NIGHT in her sleep. It is horrible. I wish I could put her down and she would cry for a while and go to sleep but she just does not do that. I know it shouldn't bother me what other people think, but it does.

I've also tried the No Cry Sleep Solution which does the exact opposite for us than it is supposed to do. I think time will be our tincture in this case. And that sucks but it is just how it is.

I really do think that all kids are different when it comes to sleep. Which makes sense because all adults I know are different too. I had a boss who could sit under her desk and take a nap and another who needed ambien every night to sleep. My husband needs to listen to talk radio to fall asleep but then sleeps like a dead horse but I can fall asleep on a dime yet wake up easliy throughout the night. Why should babies be any different?

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL. It's not music I have to listen to, babe, but talk radio... the voices somehow just put me out. Yeah I wish you were a deeper sleeper... but I guess we're all different.

-D

Amie said...

I know I realized that after I wrote it and was going to put an update on this morning. It made me laugh when I remebered cause talk radio is so gross.

Existential Waitress said...

I absolutely agree with you on this. If I hadn't had Maggie after Bear, I'd probably think that I had all the answers b/c after putting me through hell at birth (waking every 45 minutes to nurse for the first 3-4 months) Bear was a model napper/sleeper. As I've said many times before, Maggie was the EXACT OPPOSITE and has STILL YET to sleep in her own bed and as an infant would scream like hell if I put her in her crib NO MATTER WHAT. She quit napping entirely by the time she was 1 1/2. And yes, I do agree that people act like you must be some sort of failure if your child doesn't adhere to "normal" sleep behaviors.

But when it comes to issues like this I always remember something my mom told me about parenting small children: "independence is born of security" (or something like that). I really think this is true. Some babies need a little more reassurance/comfort than others perhaps. Just relax as much as you can and remember that she'll be grown before you know it and you'll really, really MISS these days eventually (although perhaps not the sleep deprivation. Hugs.)

Amie said...

Thanks EW, I couldn't agree more with your mom. I do think that the most important thing is for babies to feel secure and safe and loved at this age and that that is what creates independence and self-confidence. My in-laws use that crazy Babywise crap and spank and their kids are anything but independent. They are clingy and have tantrums ALL DAY LONG. And are aggresive with each other and nightime is anything but calm. It is filled with screaming and crying and yelling. NOT the life for me. I prefer peace and if that means waking every couple of hours at night to nurse a toddler so be it. Because this too shall pass.

Furthermore, I think some babies really just like to sleep with another person in bed with them. I know I do. Even when I was a kid my sister and I shared a room and we would often ask to put our beds together at night. Humans are kinda pack animals that way.

clueless but hopeful mama said...

I could read and talk (and PRACTICE, OH GOD I NEED A NAP) about sleep all day long. Don't apologize for your awesome comment/post.

I think it's fascinating because I can barely tolerate my husband in the room while I sleep! After 10 years together- BARELY tolerate! I once broke up with a boyfriend almost solely because he NEEDED to be touching me to sleep and I NEEDED not to be touching ANYONE.

Babies! They really are little people??!?! I keep forgetting that one....

Existential Waitress said...

My husband snores so loud he's supposed to use a breathing machine (but refuses) and I CANNOT sleep in the same room as him - yes, you read it. We sleep in separate rooms. In my defense, people have often asked me how the hell I live with that b/c it's THAT FREAKIN' LOUD. Besides, with two kids we've obviously managed to get our bow chick a wow wow on.

Is Babywise a cry it out thing? I didn't read that one. I think you told me a little about it though?

Bear prefered to be on his own, while Maggie wants to be right up on you while she sleeps - I call her "Drill Head" b/c her head feels like a drill in my back. She really digs that though.

Amie said...

Babywise is written by some guy who isn't even a doc--he is some christian dude but got kicked out of his church for stealing money, i think. The aap is against it because it can lead to severe dehydration for newborns but a scary amount of people think it is good practice.

Big D had started snoring too. So, more often than not he gets booted out to the guest bedroom--which he doesn't mind considering the bug is a very restless sleeper and big d likes his sleep.

--lots of small caps because i am holding a sleeping baby in the other arm--

Existential Waitress said...

Babywise sounds very scary.Carl thinks Maggs should sleep in her own room by the time school starts, but i'm like holy hell how is THAT going to happen? It was hard enough getting her to give up the paci...

Lynn @ human, being said...

I think you're right on when you ask why every baby isn't going to be different from the next, given that every human is different from the next.

When I had Lauren, I read ALL the books on sleep. We tried doing Babywise and it made me insane. In the end, the only things that worked was to find our own rhythms, and for me (and her dad) to learn to be OK if we didn't go to her every time she cried and to distinguish those cries that meant get me now or get me in 2 hours, I won't stop crying until you get me out of this damn crib.

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Good point on why children/babies should be any different. My son rarely napped from the age of 9 months. Yet he slept a solid 12 hours every night. TO this day, that's still how he is. Fine by me!

Amie said...

Nancy, I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo jealous!

Suzanne said...

Don't even get me started on sleep! This is a recurring topic on my blog, too. Once I think I have Small Fry's sleep all figured out, she throws us a curve ball. CIO usually works, but then something will happen within a matter of days that blows it apart. And bedtime is a nightmare. She just won't go down without a fight.

This whole sleep thing, especially my own deprivation, is one of my biggest fears when contemplating child #2.

Amie said...

Suzanne, I am so with you. It might be the deal-breaker for having another child and that makes me feel pretty bad about myself but it is the truth.

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