The Death of the Remote

Is the world conspiring against me? Friday evening we watched a DVD. When we awoke on Saturday and went to check in on our best friend, TIVO, the remote wasn't working. We changed the batteries and tried again. Still nothing. Big D called Direct TV. There was nothing that could be done. Remotes have a shelf life. They'd send another. My plans for the weekend were crushed. They involved me, the couch, TIVO, and the remote. I always thought it was TIVO that I loved. But TIVO isn't really TIVO without the remote. It's like if your lover got a lobotomy or maybe it's more like a castration. Just wouldn't be the same. I've been turning channels with my toes because I am too big to bend down and I can't speed through the commercials. Oh TIVO, this is definitely a rocky time in our relationship. You've let me down just when I needed you most.