Glad I Didn't Do That

Doesn't she look pissed? Totally.

Do you think all the women who got this porcupine hairdo are really pissed off now that they are stuck growing it out while Kate got expensive hair extensions from a celebrity stylist?

When I was in a deep dark place, a time of weakness, a person who shall remain nameless actually suggested I get this hairdo. Even in that time of confusion, I had the mental fortitude to pass. Even my six inch roots and fried ends were better than having to grow something like that out. I am much better now (and so is my hair) but I still kinda hold that suggestion against that person. I think it was a little mean-spirited.

I May Be An Asshole, But My Kid Has a Bunny-Pig and a Puppy

Target. We are at Target. Me and the Bugs. And we are scooting down the aisles. Pow. Pow (I am making little shooting gun actions with my hands in my mind cause I am totally knocking down these aisles, baby). We are really doing a wham-bam-thank-you-mam of this shopping endeavor. We are getting what we need and getting out. I am feeling pretty good about myself. I am not being sucked into the Target vortex. You know the one. The one where you go in for toothpaste and baby wipes and end up hours later, eyes glazed over, and holding a receipt over $100. How does that happen? Well, it wasn't happening this time.

But then we had to go by the aisle with the cheery ceramic piggy banks and Bug sees them and says, "Piggy!" to which I say yes, "Piggy." Which clicks something in her 17 month old brain that says MUST HAVE PIGGY RIGHT NOW!!!! So now we are close to a full blown PIGGY INCIDENT in the aisles of Target. Bug is crying, pleading, "piggy, piggy!" I get the bright idea to head over to the toy aisle and pick up some little pig that she can hold onto while we finish this shopping excursion and get outta here. We are zooming down the toy aisles, my eyes like radar for anything pig. And nothin', I find nothin'. I grab a little stuffed animal dog and this seems to please her cause now she's all "puppy, puppy."


But I am a glutton for punishment and I decide to make one last stab at finding this child a pig. So I dash us over to the $1 aisle and think I've found it...eureka!...its pink and round it's a pig....no wait it's a bunny. But she doesn't have to know that, right? Right. I give it to her and exclaim, "PIG!" She gives me a slighted look that says, alright lady, I'll go along with your story, now let's go pay for my new puppy and bunny-pig and let's get outta here and go play outside. While in line, I get this bright idea to not actually buy the pig and the doggy. She won't care, right? I have somehow forgotten that my child NEVER FORGETS ANYTHING! If we played with bubble outside four months ago, every time we are in that spot where we blew said bubbles, she'll say, "bubbles!"

And she does not forget this time either. The entire ride home she is crying for piggy and dog. I tell her we'll see them when we get home. And when we get home I bring her her two stuffed animal pigs and make a big show of it, "Piggy piggy, Yay!!!!" But she is not having it. She is screaming her head off and pointing to the Target bag and begging for piggy and dog. There are times when I can feel exactly what she is feeling and the feeling was betrayal.

So (and this is where you may judge me and deem me an asshole) I tell her that we are going back to the store to get the puppy and the pig. She runs to the door. We get in the car. We go back to Target. We get the puppy and the pig. They cost a grand total of $6.49. Why the hell didn't I just buy them to begin with? You might think my mistake was going back. You might think I should have let her have a tantrum and get over it and learn that life is not fair and she doesn't get everything she wants. You might think I missed out on a teachable moment. Well I do think this is a teachable moment...for me.

My mistake was putting those toys in her little hands to calm her down if I had no intention of buying them. She couldn't have a ceramic piggy bank. I should have let her cry about that, if anything. Instead, I made it easier on both of us by appeasing her with a distraction. However, when I slyly removed them from the checkout stand, I used deception against my child. That is not the way I want to mother. She was right to feel betrayed because everything I did in the store led her to believe that I was going to buy them for her. If I didn't plan to buy them for her I should have never given them to her to begin with. That is holding myself accountable and teaching ethical behavior. Again, feel free to judge.