I am so depressed over the thrush. As if the overactive letdown wasn't enough for this poor little baby to deal with, now I have given her thrush! I feel like a shit. She is uncomfortable all the time. And I think our doctors have given us an aggressive enough treatment. So now I have to call my doctor again and ask her to give us what we need. This is so frustrating.
The next part of the labor story is more difficult to write. Partly because I get a bit hazy on the details because the last five minutes or so are really all that matter in the end and partly because much of it was painful and scary. It involves having to wait in a tiny triage room for three hours until a labor and delivery room opened up. Having insane back labor, throwing up, and not getting the epidural I requested for an hour and half. Having the epidural wear off when I was at eight centimeters, having to wait an hour to get some relief and then finding out the machine delivering the meds to me was off! Then pushing for over three hours. Then there is also a side story about how I got wickedly constipated--actually impacted and had to go to the emergency room the evening after we went home from the hospital. At about the same time my milk came in and I was engorged I had a nurse (my hero) pulling shit out of my ass which was more acutely painful than the labor itself.
Monday September 8- My mom comes to stay with us. I feel vaguely crampy but have nesting energy.
Tuesday September 9- Have some brownish spotting. Call doc. They say to come in for a check. See my doctor's partner. My cervix is starting to efface but I am not dilated. My mom and I run errands all day. I feel the need to stock up on food at Whole Foods. Still feel crampy. Like light period cramps. Go to bed.
Wednesday September 10- Wake up about 12:30 AM. Go to bathroom. There is blood. Is this the bloody show? What should I do? Call the doc? Ok, call the doc. Doc's partner on call. She says it's probably bloody show. Thanks. Go back to bed. Crampy. Oh wait, these cramps seem to be coming and going. Am I in labor? Get up. Pace a little. Big D is sound asleep. I'm alone in this. I am struck by this realization. I sit on the chair. Yeah, these are coming every 8-10 minutes. I think these are contractions. Go to my mom. Tell her I think I might be having contractions. She gets up and we start timing them. I sit on my birthing ball. The pain starts to concentrate in my back. Damn this hurts. I try back labor positions. They don't help. Actually, they hurt. The only thing that helps is to sit on the ball and try to breathe through it. They are now 5-6 minutes apart. Wake Big D up. Call doc. She's not very happy about being woken up again. Yeah, go to the hospital like I told you before. Ok, bitch, this is my first time doing this and you chose this profession not me so I don't need the attitude. The breathing isn't helping anymore because the pain is all in my back and I can't seem to wrap the breathe around it. We get the two bags. I throw some things in because they weren't quite packed. The three of us get in the car. Here we go.
I am in tears. My mom just left for the airport to go home. She has been here since two days before the baby was born. I don't think I can do this by myself. I have never wished I lived close to family more than I do now. I feel like I am all alone in this and terrified.
My little one is five weeks old. Breastfeeding is still challenging and it breaks my heart when she struggles with my milk flow. Something miraculous happened last night. She went five hours between feedings which meant that I got about four hours of straight sleep! Hallelujah. She is still very gassy most of the time. She is starting to recognize faces and voices which is amazing! Oh and she is the cutest baby ever.
So I bought a pump last week. I am afraid of it. I don't think I'll offer her a bottle yet but I have a fear of having no stored milk in case of an emergency. I have been working to try to get the whole let down thing under control and fear that I could just sabotage the whole thing with the pump. On the other hand, pumping a little might actually help.
I took her for a weight check yesterday and she is right on target for weight gain. She is now 8 pounds 6 and 1/2 ounces! She was 7 pounds 14 ounces at birth and went down to 7 pounds 3 ounces. Last Tuesday, she was 8 pounds which means she has gained an ounce a day since then!
