Don't Eat Me

The dogs are outside. Not by choice. By choice, they would be inside barking at the door. Outside, they are whining and crying to get back in. But it is nice out. I have put water and food out. And well, I just want them to stay out today. I don't even feel bad about it at all.

And yes, my window is that dirty. It's big dog slobber. Gross.

They are not coming inside until well after the baby is up from her nap. Mateo can cry. My will is strong today. Even if Josie gives me that face that looks like she wants to eat me.

Did I mention the poor baby is teething? Not just teething. She is getting four regular teeth and four Molars! She is miserable. And she had to get her flu shot booster. Cause babies have to get two flu shots just for fun. Yes, if there is a god, he hates babies. And probably mamas too.

Cold Turkey

I went off the meds. Not really by choice but the scrip ran out and it was from my last OBGYN so I couldn't call and get it refilled with ease. So I'm off the junk. Actually, Zoloft was not junk. It was wonderful stuff. It took the edge off. It helped peel away the dark edges and let the light it. But I think it is time to see what life is like without it so even though I found out after going off of it that cold turkey isn't advisable, I am feeling good about giving it a whirl. I am now very familiar with the dark waves. I could spot them well beyond the horizon. Well before they take on height and depth. Well before they crash and I begin to choke on their relentless darkness. Well before I drown.

update: Holy shit, I'm dizzy.

The Good Part

Here in the desert there comes a day every year when the air snaps. The unbearable unbreathable air snaps. The heat snaps. Cooler air breezes in. Fall arrives in a moment here. It happens every year. Yet somewhere in the middle of September when the temps are still easily over 100 degrees, maybe even over 110 (Though who is counting after 100? At that point HOT is just HOT.) you think you might go stir crazy or just CRAZY, period, end of story. Because you are STUCK inside from house to car to store and back. You can see outside. You can see the lifeless playgrounds and the grassy fields. But you are TRAPPED inside with the money sucking invention that makes this whole desert living experiment even possible, the A/C. But then that day comes and it all changes and everyone runs outside to PLAY and you remember that there is BEAUTY living here in the desert. It is like the first day of spring.

Magic Boobs

Nola had her first ride in an airplane a couple weeks ago when we went to Colorado to visit family and friends. Now, Nola is the baby who does not like to sit still. She hates her car seat, her highchair, and will only sometimes tolerate the stroller. To say I was concerned about how she would handle the confinement of the airplane is an understatement. I did have a plan. I was going to try to nurse her to sleep when the plane started to take off. Well, we boarded the plane and Nola was very excited. She became the self appointed welcoming committee, saying hi to every passenger boarding. It was really cute but filled me with trepidation that she would be spending the rest of the flight walking up and down the aisle saying hi the entire flight. But I stayed calm let her play while the flight prepared for take-off and then pulled her to the boob at takeoff and yes, she fell asleep. She woke up a few times but latched on and nursed back to sleep. We did the same routine on the flight home. And it worked like a charm. It is times like these that I am glad I am still nursing. I felt triumphant like my boobs had magical mystical powers.

I keep this in mind when I am wishing my boobaholic daughter would enter rehab and come out a reformed milk drinker.

On the Positive Side

Things I Like About Living Here...

1. Nola sees her Grammy (and Grandpa and Auntie and Uncle) nearly every day.
2. The sky
3. The saguaro cactus
4. The farms
5. Horses
6. Easy traffic
7. Quiet neighborhood
8. No tagging

A Walk in the Park

Shlump a Dump

That's how I feel. Shlumpy. And dumpy. And it doesn't help that I spent the weekend with tall thin people who know how to put outfits together. I am really not liking the way my body is right now. My hair? Eh, not so much. My skin has suddenly started breaking out like crazy. A 35 year old pizza face is not cool. I don't know what to wear. I am just kinda sucking right now.