What Happened to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness?

There is no pretty or poetic way to put this. Our finances suck. We are teetering on the edge of a financial abyss and we are not sure where the bottom is. And it SUCKS. Is it my fault because I "chose" to stay home with Nola? And I put "choose" in parenthesis because it wasn't really a choice as much as a necessity and the right thing for all of us but most importantly, the right thing for Nola. The fact is, I don't think I am to blame or should be blamed or should feel guilty (even though guilt certainly creeps into my head and heart often) because I know I made the right decision to stay at home with my child. She is happy and healthy and thriving and I don't think she would be the same child if she was away from me twelve hours a day and often more than that. My job was so far away from home. I just couldn't be that far from her. To me, it would have been irresponsible and cruel.



But I can't help being angry. We were the couple that did all the right things. I worked a job that wasn't "me" but it was stable and provided over half our income. We invested wisely. Paid our monumental student loans on time. Paid off credit card debt. Waited to have kids. Where did it get us? If I have any regrets, it is wasting all that time doing "the right things" when it didn't matter anyway. I wasted so many years in a job that took a little of my soul every day and driving a commute that I am pretty certain took years off my life. And all for naught. It is so demoralizing.

That said, I don't think I would change anything. Our successes and failures, our decisions good and bad, led us to Nola.

I Could Have Been Somebody

Morrissey...
We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful
We hate it when our friends become successful,
We hate it when our friends become successful.
Oh, look at those clothes,
Now look at that face it's so old,
And such a video,
Well, it's really laughable,
Ah hahahaha etc.
We hate it when our friends become successful,
And if they're northern
That makes it even worse and
If we can destroy them
You bet your life we will destroy them.
If we can hurt them, well,
We may well.
It's really laughable,
Ah hahahaha etc.
You see, it should have been me.
It could have been me.
Everybody knows, everybody says so.
They say, "Oh, you have loads of songs,
So many songs,
More songs than they can stand --

Liz Phair...
Shitloads of Money
Louis is probably thirty years old but he looks like a solid 45
Louis says he's got a headache
I look in his eyes, and I believe him
The big L.K.'s and the gangster disciples
Louis can't think of who else could take over, but he just can't
Get up in the morning
A genuine face, braced for survival...

It's nice to be liked
But it's better by far to get paid
I know that most of the friends that I have don't really see it
That way
But if you could give 'em each one wish
How much do you wanna bet?
They'd wish success for themselves and their friends and
that would include lots of money

Don't know how many times you were stuck in the morning
You just couldn't move, though your mother was calling
You know what you need
Is a Lotto revival
A train flashes by and you're lost in a spiral...

Take the train on up to the zoo, don't look back
On what you've been through
Cause everyone's got a Monday...
It looks like shit and it must be America

It burns so quick, then it must be America

We all need a shitload of M-O-N-E-Y, money

Personally, I love it when my FRIENDS become successful because it somehow validates me while I wallow in my loserdom. But I really really hate it when those less talented than my friends become successful. I hate it when my enemies become successful--and usually just because they started out with shitloads of money.