I Didn't Know I Was...
No, I am not pregnant. But do you watch that show on TLC, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant? I mean, there are actually enough women that this has happened to that there is plenty material for a whole show. And it's not, I didn't know I was pregnant until I was five months along, or I didn't know I was pregnant until I started puking three times a day at work and needing to pee constantly. No, these stories are about real women who don't know they are pregnant until they are in labor. Let me clarify that. Actually, they go into labor but still don't know they are pregnant. They go to the hospital because they think they are dying where the doctors ask if they could be pregnant, and these dilated contracting women protest, "no, no that's impossible" but no no it is not impossible these women are pregnant and within in minutes, give birth. Sometimes they don't even make it to the hospital. After incredible pain, they feel the need to push out a giant poop so they go to the toilet sit down and push and out it comes. Except wait, that is not a poop it's a BABY! OH HOLY HELL!
And a lot of the women seem totally normal. OK, quite a few seem like drunken skanky dumbasses or really really obese women with a host of medical problems which keep them from having normal periods. But many of them seem just like ordinary overworked moms who contribute all their symptoms, back pain, exhaustion, etc., to the stresses of their lives. After watching the show I have this intense urge to run out to the pharmacy and buy up a bunch of pee sticks. But I am a rational person and so I resist the urge. There is no way I am pregnant. Or could I be? Due to breastfeeding, I haven't had a period in closing in on two years. Would I know the difference between exhaustion from lack of sleep and chasing after superbaby all day and pregnancy exhaustion? Would I contribute morning sickness to not paying attention to my diet? Could I be so out of touch with my body that I miss the signs that there is another human being living inside me? I hope not. I like to think that I know myself and my body well and that I wouldn't have ignored myself so much that I overlook something as momentous as pregnancy. But who knows. Who am I to judge? I guess it could happen. Anything is possible. But seriously, I am so NOT pregnant.
